Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
