Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
