Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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