oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
