If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
