ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
