i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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