My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
