One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
