Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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