left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
