:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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