Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize