My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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