You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
