i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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