And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
