I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
