I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Swine flu is the new snow day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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