Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
