i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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