I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
