1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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