You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Mom said you looked used
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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