Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
