Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
