Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
