i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Green mimosas i think yes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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