yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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