after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
