Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
