My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
