Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
