dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
