I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
