Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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