i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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