He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
