Soap is not a condiment
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
