I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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