peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
