she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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