So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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