I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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