No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
