Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
