There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
