They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
