Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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