My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
