So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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